Press release: Emory faces “Sorry” shortage

Emory University Facing Critical Shortage of “We’re Sorry” Stationery After Anti-Gay Incident at Candler

After controversy erupted over Emory’s Candler School of Theology’s decision to present an award to the anti-gay activist H. Eddie Fox, Emory University officials realized that they were facing a severe shortage of “We’re Sorry” stationery.

“We really dropped the ball tracking the inventory of the cards,” said President James Wagner. “I guess we were so busy last year with our courageous inquiring and noble compromising, we didn’t even realize it was time to re-order!”

Dean Robin Forman, however, expressed concern about locating a new supplier. “We’ve relied on cards produced by laborers… I mean, freshmen – yes, freshmen in the Visual Arts Department, but since cutting the program, we may have to turn to Staples inkjet stationery.”

The supply of apology cards was rapidly depleted last year when Emory apologized for the anti-semitism at the Dental School. An administration official asked, “Do you know how many Jews there are at this school? Jesus!”

The administration briefly considered using some old “My Bad!” cards from the 90’s, but opted for the classy “Mea Culpa” embossed cards leftover from February. President Wagner spent most of his week carefully scratching out “three fifths” and “blacks” and replacing them with “the gays.”

 

-Andy, Laura & the SRC

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